Today marks the 1st anniversary of me being single. I’m celebrating it because:
- This is the first time in a decade that I’m not in a relationship for longer than 1 month
- It feels great and I’m looking forward to more years of being free and accountable to no one but MYSELF
- Life is beautiful and so am I
Haha! That last one came out of nowhere and try as I might, I cannot bring myself to delete it. Mwehehe!! :D
Seriously, though. They say that a pregnant woman should never make life changing decisions because her hormones are wreaking havoc on her brain. I say there are exceptions. Because I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t make the decision that made me single exactly one year ago, my son’s health would have been in jeopardy. 6 months into my pregnancy I was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse. Such condition wouldn’t have tolerated the daily screamfest I used to have with the boy’s father. And it certainly wouldn’t have tolerated me being left alone often, while he goes out & satisfies his need to drink & be merry until the wee hours of the morning.
Back then, I felt that my son needed me to be his mom. I had to step up or I was going to lose him. So I made a choice, and I’ve never looked back.
People have called me bitter for deciding to cut the father off completely after I gave birth. Others have questioned how his absence will affect SEAN. I’ve thought about that, a thousand times, over and over again. And I’ve come to the following conclusions:
- My son will only suffer if he has to deal with a father who can only be one when it doesn’t cramp his lifestyle
- A father should think of his son’s needs FIRST, and put everything else second, INCLUDING those of his own family.
I know that I will never be able to fulfill the role of a good father. But the thing is, I’m here for my boy, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yes, there are days when I wish I didn’t have to get up to change diapers or give a wriggling baby a bath. Sometimes, I scream into my pillow whenever my son cries for me for the nth time. But still, I get up and pick him up with the brightest smile I could muster. I do it because I’m his mother and I love him. A father should be able to do the same. Or at least try.
To end this post on a positive note, I’m very grateful that I have such loving parents who are more than willing to forego their retirement from child-rearing duties just to be able to help me raise my son. From day one, they have been nothing but supportive. Over the years, I’ve given them a lot of heartbreaks and not once have they raised their hands in surrender. Now, every time I see them with SEAN, I feel at peace. My son may not have the father that he deserves, but he sure does have the best MAMA (granny) and PAPA (gramps) in the whole wide world. Oh and let’s not forget an uncle who dotes on him, since Day 1.
And because of that, tomorrow, as soon as I get off work, I’m making my favorite no-bake dessert, Mango Float. Stay tuned :)